Playboy
by The Oreo
Summary: "Look, Captain Chastity, I know you need that wrench to get yourself out of your tights, but I'm gonna need it unless you're alright babysitting King Caribou for the rest of eternity."


Should I try fan fiction? Gosh, it's like I'm trying to decide whether to do crack or not. Or switch to Facebook timeline. I don't know. Maybe I'll try this and the grow a beard or something. What the heck.

*throws at you and flies into sun*

* * *

Steve was just happy to be...relaxed, for once.

Currently, they were in Stark Tower and so far it was the most secure (least destroyed) place they could keep Loki under surveillance and try and create something to get him and his brother home. Steve wasn't even quite sure he could begin comprehending where that was. And that's why he was siting here, holding the wrench, while Tony and Dr. Banner were putting that something together. He didn't mind it though. For him it was okay to not have to worry about anything right now, even for a short amount of time. Then he would go back to...all of that. The world. He felt just as lost there as he did in this room full of gadgets and gizmos and the whole shebang. He didn't know how to make himself fit into all these little gears. It was almost like-

"-like I'm asking you to take the wrench and shove it up your ass. Does that count as loosing your virginity? The sun would burn out eons before the All-American Virgin-"

"_**What?**_"

Tony seems unfazed by Steve's reaction. His face is casually smug (like always) as he fixes a few bolts, still focusing on his work. "Look, Captain Chastity, I know you need that wrench to get yourself out of your tights, but I'm gonna need it unless you're alright babysitting King Caribou for the rest of eternity."

Steve sighs and hands over the wrench he's holding. He has absolutely no idea how to respond to Tony. Ever.

Tony waves him off suddenly. "Wait, wait. Just stick it right there." He nods at the edge of the steel table next to the project. "I don't like people handing me things." Wait, what? The nerve of this guy sometimes. "Then why did you have me hold it in the first place?" Steve insists, furrowing his brow in frustration. He swears the only thing he and Tony will ever really be able to do together is draw a perfect circle. Stark shrugs. "Well, I didn't want you to stand there looking sorry for yourself." He replies, soldering something on the inside of the small glass and metal cylinder he and Dr. Banner had built. He looks up at Steve. "You really want to do something? Go help Banner predict the pion decay of the radioisotopes in the cube."

He wordlessly sets down the wrench on the table.

Tony picks up the wrench and sets to work fastening something to the outer edges of the cylinder. It makes Steve frustrated, but was he really expecting a a thank you? "You're welcome." Steve remarks. Stark just grunts incoherently and continues with his work. Steve crosses his arms and leans back on the table as Tony lets the silence fall over them, save for the sound of his work and musings of Dr. Banner and Dr. Selvig in the corner while they discuss the cube. Fury and Agent Romanoff are with them and a few agents as well, but Steve knows they are just discussing the aspects of the battle. What's to come. Thor and Barton left a while ago to watch Loki a few levels up from here. So there's not really anyone else left to talk to. From what Steve can tell, Stark is completely engrossed in his work, so his question catches him off guard.

"So got any plans after this?" Tony muses, intent on his work as ever. "Hmm? Oh." Steve shoves his hands in pockets and fidgets with his feet a bit. "Well, you know. I have to go grocery shopping. I ran out of milk." He's sure he can feel Tony roll his eyes. "So you're all alone in that apartment of yours?" He inquires, "Talk about isolation. No pun intended." See? What is he supposed to say to that?  
He settles on, "I could say the same about you." Taking another look around, he thinks it must get lonely up here. And doesn't Tony have another house in California? "All this space and...stuff. Don't you get a bit lonesome sometimes?" Tony puts down the wrench and picks up the soldering gun again, brushing off the question with a shrug. "What?" Steve leans on the table to emphasize his point, "Does a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist have a bit of trouble making friends?" Tony looks a bit miffed by that question. "Hey, I'm not that bad at making friends. Just look at dummy over there." He points to a decent sized mechanical arm. "If we ever had a fire, he's got if covered. Trust me. " The arm reaches up to about Steve's shoulder and has an odd clamp on the end. And wheel you could use to roll it around in the shop. Tony looks down again at the cylinder. "'Course you can't talk to him right now, since J.A.R.V.I.S. is down." Ha, made his friends. That earned a smile from Steve. Maybe a chuckle. Tony murmured his approval. "Glad to see you got the reference, old timer."  
Taking another look around, Steve found himself unsatisfied. Yeah, the whole genius-billionaire part was pretty obvious; this place was huge. But that was exactly it. "Seriously, Stark, you have no one else all the way up here?"  
Just then, the elevator made a soft _ping!_ followed by some cackling he suspected was the lights shorting out. The elevators were still working? And who in the world was coming up here anyways?

The elevator doors opened and there stood a woman with ginger hair in a business suit. Steve noticed she was quite beautiful really, but he was busier noticing that she looked like the wrath of God Almighty in designer heels.

Heels that were walking this way. Towards him. Right now.

She stopped just in front of the steel table he was at. A steel table that was now much too small and definitely not a viable option for cover. But, contrary to what Steve though should be done in this situation (just blend in, not me, don't look at me _please_), Stark seemed oddly alerted by her presence and looked up.

And smiled.

Looked relived even.

"Pep-"

_** "Antony. Edward. Stark."**_

Steve swore he heard a snigger come from Agent Romanov's direction.

He was scared before, but now he's terrified.

Tony stood up, very slowly, with his hands raised slightly and the wrench still in one of them. He looked like a deer in headlights, which is something Steve was sure he would never see on _Antony Edward_ Stark's face. Ever. "Pepper, can we please just-"

"WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU THINKING?" Pepper screeched at Tony. "YOU NARCISSISTIC, OVERCONFIDENT, SENSELESS _IDIOT_!"

Okay, so Steve might actually like this woman.

"I'M ON A PERFECTLY NORMAL, EVEN PLEASANT FLIGHT. A BUSINESS FLIGHT BY THE WAY, A BUSINESS FLIGHT FOR _YOUR_ BUSINESS THAT YOU SEEM INTENT ON _BLOWING UP WITH YOUR __**IDIOTIC SUITS**_-"

"My suits are not-"

"-AND THE PILOT GET SOME _IDIOTIC_ NOTICE ABOUT SOME _DUMB_ THING IN _STUPID_ NEW YORK AND WE TURN ON THE TELEVISION AND THE TOWER IS A WRECK, THERE ARE EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE, SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE THE GREEN GIANT ON STEROIDS AND A BLUE LIGHT THAT COULD HAVE COME RIGHT OUT OF A SUMMER ACTION BLOCKBUSTER AND THERE YOU ARE! FIGHTING ALIENS!"

Tony throws up his arms in exasperation. "We've been over this!"

"ALIENS. WE'VE BEEN OVER ALIENS?"

Tony moves around the project and steps closer to her, and Steve has to hand it to the guy, because it looks like he just wants to smooth things over with her. "Pepper, it's a part of the job-"

"**ALIENS**. ALIENS ARE A PART OF THE JOB? SINCE WHEN TO WE HAVE A SUSTAINABLE ENERGY CONTRACT WITH ALIENS? TELL ME THAT TONY. I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HEAR IT."

But that didn't make it any less hilarious. He could definitely hear a few giggles now, coming from Barton's direction.

"Maybe you WOULD have if you ANSWERED MY CALL!" Tony exclaims, gesturing at her pointedly with the hand holding the wrench. "Did you ever thing that when your boss is fighting aliens and he CALLS YOU that maybe, just maybe, it's _REALLY IMPORTANT_."

Pepper snatches the wrench out of Tony's hand, clenching it in her fist. "Well MAYBE if you WEREN'T SUCH AN IDIOT, you wouldn't have _ALMOST DIED_!" She curls her hand tighter around the wrench and holds it up in front of him. "WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THIS?"

"I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU. YOU TOOK IT FROM ME!

"STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM THE POINT." Pepper slams the wrench down on the steel table, making a dent in the metal and making Steve jump for extra measure. "I WAS GOING TO HAVE PAD THAI FOR LUNCH. BUT-"

"We can still have pad thai!"

"YOU HAD TO GO GET YOURSELF ALMOST BLOWN UP AGAIN, OR WAS IT THAT EVEN? YOU_ DISAPPEARED_ WITH A _NUCLEAR_ _BOMB_ GOD KNOWS WHERE. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE OF WORRY. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH STRESS-"

Tony suddenly grabs her by the shoulders and she stops her rant of terror. Steve notices he's oddly calm and he's looking at Pepper very seriously. "Yes," He stares at her, unflinching. "I do." As if Steve wasn't already surprised, the two seem to have a very quiet and intimate moment; the kind of moments you feel like you're intruding on, though the people in them don't seem to notice you. They look lost in somewhere that only makes sense to them.

Steve thinks he remembers having that with Peggy.

"So," Tony claps his arms on her shoulders gently. "Pad thai?"

Pepper sighs. "I'll tell them to bring it up." She straightens her suit jacket a brushes her finely curled hair behind her shoulder. "When I tell you it's ready, you have exactly 3 minutes to get upstairs or you can forget about Venice." Her tone is sharp, though Steve can see her eyes are not. Tony quirks his usual smug grin. "Aye, Aye, Captain." She seems satisfied enough and turns around her heels clacking with significantly less fury. Steve hears the others return to their work, but Stark stares after her for a long while before returning to his.

Steve leans over as Tony resumes to his work. "Alright, so you're a genius, and a billionaire, and, however much I hate to admit it, something of a philanthropist." Steve quirks his eyebrow to make a point "But a playboy? After _that?_" Stark rolls his eyes so dramatically, Steve is surprised he isn't given a Tony award right on the spot. "You're just jealous. What are you, like, the 80-year old virgin? And by the way where's my-"

Steve wordlessly hands him the wrench.

* * *

Okay so this is definitely not done but hey it's something.


End file.
